Day Forty-Three

Some days just bring back more memories then others. Today is one of those days, that I wished passed by with no memories, unfortunately there is a flood of feelings and emotions that come with Feb. 17 every year.

It's hard to believe that 7 years has passed since we lost a dear friend. It was too soon for him to go, and I'll never really understand the pain that he was feeling to go so far as to end things. He had an amazing spirit, and even though I know things were not great between us when he left, I hope he knows how much he meant to me and so many other people.

I write for myself first and foremost, and I think he taught me that the most, we would write back and forth and it never really mattered what we wrote, just that we wrote it down. I've learned as long as I write things down, i'm okay - its by far my biggest security blanket in life.

I do miss him, although I miss that whole time of my life. When things were simple, when we could spend weeks doing nothing, just sitting around laughing and talking all day and all night. Even though at the time I did not think things were simple, everything seemed so complicated, and we tried to act older then we were and forced ourselves to be grown-ups when we should have just been teenagers.
I miss the week long visits at the trailer that drove my grandparents and then my grandpa and aunts nuts. I miss campfires and the fresh cut grass smell, staying up way late and laughing way too loud. Those were good summers.

Although today is a flood of sad emotions still filled with questions of why and how come, that usually turn to frustration and anger - I still go back to the happy memories, some of the greatest times of my tween/teen years.

We all miss you Jimmy - I hope you are in a happy place.